Why An Early Miscarriage Deserves Mourning

LIFE! It's it the most beautiful creation on this earth.

Even from our earliest existence, we choose life. A simple life form, devoid of anything resembling a human being, chooses life by burrowing itself on its mother's womb. Without a brain, this new creation has been given the will to live. I marvel at all of God's creations, but this baffles me. He has created us in our mother's womb. He has guided us to life. He LOVES life. He created it. 

When I first found out about the little one growing inside me, I was filled with joy. This baby was so long desired, I could barely contain myself. The test was faint, but positive. I told my husband. He was happy and, of course, a little scared. I quickly began making plans in my head for this baby. Was it a boy? A girl? I had 2 boys and a girl already so I was completely happy with whatever God gave me. Just content to be pregnant again. A friend of mine had a word from God and told me the exact date I was to conceive. This was so mind boggling. God knew my heart's desire and He wanted to give it to me. I felt so special.

 

The next morning came. I had been having cramps all night, which I knew was normal during pregnancy, but assumed they were harder because it was my 4th baby and everything is so different the more babies you have. Since my first test was faint, I wanted to take another in the morning. It was just a reassurance that I wasn't losing my mind. I stood up out of bed. My life came to a halt. "No." I exclaimed in my head. Rushing to the restroom, the one thing many pregnant women dread had revealed itself. At first I sat there in shock. "This can't be happening. God told me this baby was supposed to be." Sorrow filled my mind, body and soul. Deep tears of a life lost began to pour from my eyes and flow down my face. This wasn't supposed to happen. My first cries to God were shouts of betrayal, "How could you do this to me? You told me I was going to have this baby." Utter confusion and sadness consumed my mind. I had to face my husband. I felt so embarrassed. Why? There's absolutely no reason why I felt this way. And no reason for it. My husband held me. He didn't have much to say. Words really weren't needed from him, just a warm body and a shoulder to cry on. I laid in bed for a while, thinking, crying. 

 My mind was exploding with emotion. Upon reaching for my phone to distract myself, my Facebook opened. A message from a new friend I had just met a couple months prior had been highlighted at the top of the screen. At first I didn't want to read anything because I couldn't respond, but for whatever reason, the urge to open it was overwhelming. Just the first sentence had be bawling my eyes out once again. This new friend had been praying earlier that week and God told her something to share with me, but he wanted her to keep it to herself until that very morning. Out of all the message, this stood out:

"My glory is behind you, and I have gone before you."

At that point, I wasn't sure why I lost my baby, but this word hit me so hard that I knew there was a plan. God was still in control. He hadn't betrayed me. He had just yet to reveal the reasons. 

The rest of the day was spent like an emotional zombie. The following morning I managed to put something presentable on and head to church. I told my husband I didn't want to help lead worship. I didn't want to feel. I didn't want to pretend I was okay. We had communion that morning. "The Garden Song" by Jason Upton began playing. I'd heard the song before and thought it was beautiful, but its real beauty began shining in a whole new light. The words penetrated my soul: 

"I have heard a mother's cry for her child to live again. I'm gonna build you a garden in a dry and dessert land. I'm gonna find a river there, I'm gonna find a river there." At the end of fellowship, my husband asked for prayer for me. As he did, he was filled with tears. Many fellow believers laid hands on me. I felt a complete peace rush over me. Peace. It was so needed.

Many people, including myself previous to this, wonder why anyone would mourn a miscarriage so early. It's not like you have time to bond or feel kicks or hiccups, right? Wrong. The moment you find out you're expecting, there's an instant soul connection. You are literally two beings joined together. It's LIFE at its  most glorious state. What a wonderful feeling being the bringer of life! I wasn't just mourning the microscopic being inside me. No. I was mourning the kicks I had yet to feel, the first cry, the first laugh, the first crawl, and walk, and word spoken. I missed a first birthday party, a 5th birthday party, a 25th birthday party. I missed a graduation, a wedding, a grandchild that would never be. You see, there's so much more than the mourning of the speck of a human being inside me. There's the mourning of an entire life lost.

But there is hope. 

I rest upon the assurance of life after death. That one day I will get to see my child again, my beautiful, wonderful child. I have not lost my baby, my life is a long-lasting pregnancy that will birth a perfect child in a perfect place. My garden is being built because God has heard every word of every cry from my heart. He's building my garden and he'll find a river there. 

Fall Fashion 2014

Although I am not always the most fashionable person, I do really find it fun to experiment with. With the cooler temperatures beckoning hayrides, bonfires, chili, apple cider and visits to the Pumpkin Patch, Pinterest begins exploding with scarves, sweaters, boots and leggings. Here are my essentials I have this far for the fall fashion season:

Hopefully you can tell from this photo what everything is. As I was taking it from my foot board, I was also falling simultaneously. I'm talented like that. 

Item 1) Aztec print dress. You don't have to go with an Aztec print, I just love it. This one was one I won from an online shop called The Mint Julep Boutique. I'm in love with their stuff! Check them out at www.TheMintJulepBoutique.com or on Facebook: The Mint Julep Boutique. They're always running contests. 

Item 2) Chunky sweater. This is the best for those "fat" days. You know, when you're so bloated that all you want to do with put on a big sweater and crawl into a cave. And die. But why do that when you could put on a big sweater, some leggings and boots....and LIVE? And look cute while doing it! Wow! Amaaaaazing! 

Item 3) The essential T-Shirt. I buy my tees too big because I loathe tight shirts. These are from Urban Outfitters, 2 for $28.00, but I know you can find them cheaper at stores like Forever 21. 

Item 4) Rain Boots!!! Enough said.

Item 5) Flats. Mine are camo and are from Target. They were on clearance a whole back for, like, $4 or something. 

Item 6) Jeans/Jeggings. I personally go with a jegging because, let's face it, if you've ever had kids like me, you have skin that isn't quite where it used to be. I prefer my jeans to be easily tuckable, since I am a master at strategic skin tucking. Work it, ladies. I have two pairs here because one is a solid dark jean and the other is a more textured, worn jean. Just depends on how your mood is that day. 

Item 7) Scarf! Enough said, yet again. 

Item 8) A lightweight cotton flowy shirt. Put under a jacket for a simple, soft and casual look. 

Item 9) Plaid button up. Wear it by itself, tucked into your jeans or over a t-shirt. I love this one that I got from Charlotte Russe for $22.00.

Item 10) Big open sweater. This can be paired with anything. Mine if from Target last winter. I am a small-medium, but I bought an x-large because I wanted it BIG. I wear it with my pjs and outfits. It's so comfortable! 

Item 11) Some fall heels are crucial. These can be paired with a dress or jeans. They dress up almost any outfit. 

Item 12 NOT PICTURED) Leather jacket. I still have yet to get one. It would go with anything, as well. 

Item 13 NOT PICTURED) Denim Button Up is also something I have yet to get. It's not completely essential if you have the plaid, but it is super cute. 

Item 14 NOT PICTURED) Leather boots.....I have them, but I'm too lazy to get them out of storage for a picture. They are great with dresses or jeans. And are a big statement. I always feel complete with them. 

So there you have it. Don't think you need all these at once, unless you have the money. Believe me, this took a while to gather. And, obviously, I'm still collecting. 

Thanks for reading! 

PS- I'm really digging those floppy hats for fall. If only I could convince my husband.... 

DIY Countertops For Under $50

For anyone who lived during the late 70s, you know how popular the faux butcher block countertops were. I had them. They were wonderfully ugly. 

The white granite is exactly the look I was wanting, however, I didn't have a couple grand to spare. While keeping the original cabinetry, I spruced up the handles by taking off the scroll backs and painting them with a mirror paint. 

I then focused on the counters. For $16.00, we purchased a gallon of this water based primer and only used a small amount:

And used this little roller to apply:

After 5 coats, it looked like this:

Next step was 2 coats of white paint. You can use whatever color you want for this. It is your base coat to whatever look you're going for. For me, I wanted the white granite to give a nice contrast between the dark cabinets. 

I'm not quite sure how much the quart of white satin paint cost, but I'd guess under $15.00. My husband purchased it:

After the base coat, I began the accent colors, which were less than $2 each:

I chose FolkArt acrylic paints in cream, dark grey and light grey. When applying, I watered it down on a plate and used a paper towel to give a random pattern. If you don't like what you have, keep dabbing. You can also wipe it off if it hasn't dried yet.

This is my first layer: 

Second layer:

The cream paint was just used to subdue the dark colors. 

The last step is to alternate between the gloss(under $4 can. I used one can) and the iridescent sparkles($3):

It only took a few minutes for each layer of gloss to dry. It was amazing! 

The color I am going with is this $45 can of Valspar paint I got from Lowe's for $15.00 because it was a mistint. It's sort of a Robin's Egg blue:

I won't post a full photo of my kitchen because I still have flooring, tile backsplash and new appliances to get, but I'll give you a sneak peek:

Thanks for viewing! 

Bro Country, How I Loath Thee

BRO COUNTRY, HOW I LOATH THEE

 

Here's the largest difference between singing about trucks, girls and beer today vs. about 5-10 years ago:

TODAY

"Nothing but two lane country on up ahead

Girl, you so fine I wouldn't mind if this is all we did.

You got me high on kisses, you got me missing signs

Hard looking left when my world is on my right" 

5-10 YEARS AGO

"I go back to a two toned short bed Chevy

Drivin my first love out to the levvy

Livin life with no sense of time

And I go back to the feel of a fifty yard line

A blanket, a girl, some raspberry wine

Wishin time would stop right in its tracks

Every time I hear that song, I go back"

Hmmm.....they seem to have the similar storyline; a truck, a girl, a dirt road/country/levvy, alcohol, etc. 

The difference: The first song is entirely about those subjects. It festers and festers and festers, but never changes. Never boils over. Never sings something different. It always dwells on this one moment and doesn't get anywhere. The second just mentions it and moves on to something deeper, a reminiscing of times past. This is the problem with today's country music. It's meaningless, immoral, shallow and demeaning to women. Yet, young girls swallow it up. Why? It's insecurity. They think that if they can just "paint on some jeans", wear some "cherry lipgloss" and shake their "moneymaker" then they will be something to be desired. It's a fantasy. That is all. Those types of boys will just chew you up and spit you out. Bro Country needs to cease to exist all together for the greater good. Please stop liking Luke Bryan, Jason Aldean, Florida Georgia Line and the others who follow in their shadows until they can begin to release songs with depth and meaning. Until then, they're only people pleasers. They are not artists. They are not country music. They are a fad. 

The Dining Room: Board and Batten

Board and Batten

Believe me, we could not have done this without the phenomenal work of a good friend. Kevin offered to come help us put the board and batten up on the walls, and I'm sure glad he did because it's my favorite room in the house. 

Before

After searching Pinterest for ideas to add character in this characterless house(if you exclude the wagon wheel embedded in the brick fireplace wall), I settled on this for my inspiration:

What drew me to it was the contrast between the dark and light. Being a lover of deep colors on walls, I knew I needed something to balance it out so the dining room didn't feel like a dungeon each time you walked into it. 

TIP: If you're ever in need of paint, check out the mistinted paint at any home improvement store. Lowe's has them for $5/gallon and Home Depot has them for $7/gallon. Almost all, if not all of my paint was purchased for an insanely discounted price throughout the year prior to buying our house. Don't be afraid to mix colors. 

The process was easy, but time consuming because all the boards had to be spaced just right. 

It took 2 days and $150.00 total to transform our Brady Bunch eating space into an inviting dining room....

After

Thanks for reading! 

Move over, Jonses. The Common Senseneys moved into the neighborhood.

Just a brief intro about our family: My husband, Joe, and I met when in high school. We began dating while I was a junior, engaged when I was a senior, and married just on September 2' 2006, just 3 months after my high school graduation. 

We had our first child, a boy, Ashton Joseph, almost exactly a year later. Then or second followed a little over two years later, another boy, Harrison "Harry" Lee. Then two and a half more years passed and we had a daughter, Shiloh Eleanor. 

We had to relocate for Joe's job and I left my dream farm behind to embark on this new adventure with him. We're about 2 hours from friends and family, so, while I'm making new friends, I'm also renovating our 1978 ranch style house in the most inexpensive way I can, even if it means rolling up our sleeves and doing most of the work ourselves. It was well built, just needed some updating. And by updating, I mean it looked like the Brady Bunch just moved out. Yeah.